I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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