so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
