it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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