I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
