god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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