Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Who died my cat blue again?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
