she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
