If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
