i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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