Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
