I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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