Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
