I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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