Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
