a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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