Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
