I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I want is dick and wine.
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