i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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