I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
