dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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