We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
