it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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