sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
