His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
