sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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