I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
