Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
