you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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