I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
