Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
