I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
