never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
