In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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