Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
