Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
