Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
