sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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