And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
