maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
