then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
