How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
