My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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