I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
