Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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