Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
