Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
