You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
