just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
