oh god the rape fog is back!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
