I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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