I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
