I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
